I've just been thinking a lot about things lately. I think the reason why the situation with my boyfriend is bothering me so much is that we've had plans for over a year and a half for us to be together. Every night before bed I'd think about how wonderful it's going to be for us to be together. The whole idea made me all warm and happy inside. Then one day it seemed like my world came crashing down because I found out that my dream wasn't going to come true. It was a lot for me to handle. It's still a lot for me to handle. It doesn't feel like just my dream has been thrown away but it feels like my heart has been broken as well. I don't know why, but it just does. When you put so much thought and so many feelings into something happening and it doesn't happen, it's really hard to deal with. Things were going to be so great...almost perfect. My life was going to be complete. Now I don't have that feeling. I don't have that dream. I'm afraid to. What if I dream that dream again and it doesn't come true? I don't think my heart can take it. I love him so much... so much it hurts.